What Time is It? (No, Not Adventure Time)

Some things I am not.

Wise.

Holy. (Speaking of, neither are mackerel, crap, or cows).

Of the mindset that I have it all together.

Organized.

Eloquent.

However, I AM:

Saved by Grace.

Aware of the fact that every morning, I wake to a clean slate. (Lamentations 3:22).

VERY flawed.

Impatient.

Expressive.

Unabashedly, fervently, passionately, desperately, shamelessly pursued by a relentless God.

This week's journey with God has been all about trust and timing. One of the ways I feel the most loved by Him is when He speaks to me. When He lays things on my heart in prayer; when He says exactly what I have needed to hear - speaking to me through a God-seeking friend; when He confirms to me through the journeys of others that He is moving and drawing His followers together. Several things have been on my heart this week heavily. And as I talk with Him, I have realized this week just how much these seemingly unrelated issues really are tied together around this one central purpose - Trusting God and His Timing. One friend is desperately desiring to pursue a ministry - timing. One friend is ready to chase after new dreams - timing. One friend seeks wisdom as she struggles to let go of the past while embracing new relationships- timing. One friend seeks physical healing - timing.

I was made aware of something this week through this scripture:

"Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day. " Ps 139:16

God knows exactly how many days I will live - He knows my life, from conception to end. And God has a purpose for that life. He has timing.

I have so much I want to accomplish while I am here. I have plans and dreams - some for noble purpose and some not. Let's face it, a redecorated bedroom is kinda nice once in a while. However, how often to I go to God with a deeper desire for HIM instead of a deeper desire for my wishes to be fulfilled? Notice how I started this post? With me.

Guess what - my life is not about me. And yes, I am selfish and rude and impatient. Why? Because since the moment I was born, I have fought that central truth that my life really and truly has nothing in the world to do with me. It has one purpose and one purpose only - to point others to the Cross.

So, the question I am left with is this: Do I do that? Did I do that today: at Walmart; in the pick-up line at school; while getting my children ready to leave the house; at my job; while driving...Did. I. Point. To the Cross.

I am not going to apologize if I step on toes. Because, you see, I NEED my toes stepped on. I hate it - but I love it. Because when that happens I know God is telling me some things I need to hear.

I am not confrontational. I am not mean-spirited. And I hate having someone mad at me or thinking I am mad at them. But, sometimes things need to be said. For instance, I have a word to the married but I will save that for another day. So, please know that if and when I step on toes, it is NOT because I think I have all the answers and CERTAINLY NOT because I always do the right thing. By no means...

Just trust God's timing. If you have given something to Him, then let it go. And trust that HE DOES HAVE IT.

One night, in the fall of 2009, I cried out to God. I was lying in my bed, stressed out and exhausted and fighting harder than I ever imagined I could for my marriage. I was crying, praying, journaling, reading a Joyce Meyer book and my Bible - all at the same time. And I cried out to God, "What do you want me to do? I don't know what to do!!" *insert sobbing here*

And I heard that still small voice say to me: Really? What do I want you to do? Sleep, Nancy. Sleep. I've got this - I do not sleep. Put the books down, roll over, and let me take this.

And in my amazement, the tears stopped. I realized that I was getting over illness and was worn out, and God really does not sleep. He really did just want me to let it go. And I rolled over and slept.

God really does have it. Give it - whatever IT is - to Him. And stop trying to wrestle it back out of His Mighty, Mighty Hand.