Turning the Spotlight Around

Something has been stirring...

Deep, deep within...

A burning...

A searching...

A yearning to truly change the world...

And I've felt stifled and held back.

Shut down.

Ignored.

And Saturday I realized why.

Have you ever really longed to do something great?

Have you ever felt called by God to make a difference?

And then been too frustrated with your surroundings to make that difference? To do that great thing?

I have. And lately, I have feel that. Much.

Frustrated. Annoyed. Angry. Irritated.

Alone.

Truth is: I had gotten distracted.

One of the greatest weapons used against us is this distraction: To focus on others instead of ourselves.

It truly matters not what another is doing. Or not doing.

What matters is: what am I doing for my Great Love?

What am I doing to change the world?

And if the answer is: nothing - because I've been too frustrated with the world around me to muster up the gumption to change it - then I need to:

Shut up.

Step up.

And Change. Me. First.

Change Begins Here.

Too Far

Without Winter I could not fully appreciate Spring. I love the seasons...

But...I've been a grump.

I could blame the weather, but I've kinda been taught a little too much to fall back on past excuses. I've been distracted, angry, resentful, judgmental, and envious at times.

All of these I know, but I continue to be plagued.

And then someone will say just the right thing at just the right time to welcome me back to reality.

I cannot be guilted into things very well. When I am stressed, it does me precious little good for someone to look at me in the midst of it and say, "You need to realize how blessed you are." My head knows I am blessed. But, when I am juggling jobs and bills and arguing kids, and schedules and external demands, it is hard to stop and think, "Wow! I've got it GOOD!"

I also take direction from know-it-alls with a grain of salt. Often, as a matter of fact, MOST of the time these 'all-knowing' friends are the ones who know the least about my life struggles day to day. I surely don't want instruction from them.

No, for me, my humbling comes in the form of a lesson learned most often from the unlikely source.

This week, it was simple statement from a friend, "I've come too far to turn back now."

Speaking of her Adventure with God. And the conscious decision to walk away from her old life. I heard in her voice the strength that comes only from a relationship with Him. A relationship I 've been blessed to walk alongside and witness.

And it humbled me.

Looking at this precious friend, taking one day at a time and seeking her Great Love in the day to day scenarios of life, I was humbled and jolted back to reality.

I cannot fall back into old excuses.

I cannot fall back into old mindsets.

And negativity.

And selfishness.

And world-focus.

I've come too far with Him to turn back now...

Tantrums

What a whiny child I can be.

How often do we hear our children chime out the familiar anthem,

"If you loved me you would..."

Thus the message: Love = Getting My Way.

And, often, we as parents fall for that.

Thank Heavens our Father does not fall for that. Ever.

His wisdom astounds all as He never fails to give us what we need.

Not necessarily what we want.

I've asked for many a thing in my life and not received. And we all know hindsight is 20/20.

But in the moment I am too distracted by my deep-seeded desire to focus on His infinite and never failing wisdom.

Just. Like. A. Child.

And, like children, we throw tantrums and whine and weep and wail over not getting what we think is best and lament that "God doesn't love me!!"

And declare ourselves to be the Favorite when we are graced with those momentary blessings.

(Ugh that's a pet peeve of mine).

Like a true Father - like the perfect, original, Divine example of Fatherhood, God grants what we need.

And sometimes, what we need is a good, stern "No."

And, I will yet again, look back one day soon and see His amazing wisdom and strength in the face of my tantrum and be truly grateful that He could see past my outburst to the future that He has designed for me.

Just like a child...

Someone Else's Journey

My sister is hurting.

So many questions. Frustrations. Confusion.

Unanswered questions.

Unanswered prayers.

Why is it this way?

What am I supposed to do?

What's right? What's wrong?

How can I make things different?

And she calls me in tears.

And I cry right alongside.

Because I know.

It is a journey I have walked.

I know all. too. well.

I empathize. I encourage. I pray.

And I hang up.

And a part of my heart leaps in excitement.

I really do know I am weird.

I know I have an odd (in the eyes of many) view of God and my temporary journey in this realm.

I know I am vocal and that can make many uncomfortable.

I know that I get frustrated with the status quo and get annoyed at my own frustration.

And my weirdness causes my heart to celebrate for my sister.

No, I do not celebrate her pain. No, I do not proclaim the joy in her hurting heart.

But, you see, I am on the other side.

I was there. Right where she is - standing on the precipice of a life changing journey.

Fearful to stretch out my hand to take the Mighty One extended to me.

Hesitant to walk into that dark abyss of the unknown with only Him at my side.

Uncertain of what lies ahead.

I was there. I know it all too well.

But, I celebrate because I know that should she muster up the courage to take that first step, what lies ahead for her is a Great Adventurous Love story that will...

Change. Her. Life.

So, I pause. And I pray. And I wait with baited breath. And tear-filled eyes.

Because I want her to know You as I know You.

I want her to experience the indulgent Love you offer.

I want her to know the euphoria of being relentlessly loved.

I know right now her heart hurts. And questions. And waits.

And she's embarked on a journey of which I refuse to rob her.

I will simply walk alongside.

Arms around.

Whispering to her out of the outpouring in my heart.

Grateful for the ringside seat to witness her Amazing Adventure.

Just When I Think I've Got It All Figured Out...

Isn't it fun when a plan comes together? Isn't that exciting? But sometimes...it doesn't work out that way.

Boy, just when I think I've got all the answers, God smiles on me (and probably smirks a little) and reminds me that I am, in fact, still growing and learning.

I experienced this week another one of those times when I really just knew in my gut what I was supposed to be doing for the cause of Christ only to be humbled once more.

Nope, God said. Not quite. Not just yet.

Wrong motives. Wrong focus. Wrong timing.

• You see, it's not that my motives were necessarily impure. But they are certainly not mature enough to be where I thought God wanted me.

• And my focus was certainly on Him. But more than that, my focus was on MY ideas of how I should be serving and not on surrendering my life and purpose to HIM.

• And timing? Absolutely off-kilter. I have been called right now, at this time in my life, to provide for my family and clean up the monstrous financial mess that I have received.

I've said it before, and true to form here I am: I am a Dreamer. Always one foot in the nebula.

And I. Dream. Big.

And when you are so incredibly in love as I am, those Dreams are even bigger as I conspire to 'slosh God's Love on all that I meet.'

So, what it comes down to is: do I trust God's Dreams to be bigger and better than my own?

Right now, this sums it up:

"Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

I'm speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him." ~Rom 12:1-3MSG

My everyday, walking around life, called to provide for and raise a family - given over to God.

My life and service to Him are not about what I can do for God. It is nothing but the outpouring from within of all that He has done for me.

Today, yes, I will be content to be a nosehair/toenail/eyelash in the body of Christ.

Trying to 'Get It'

Did you know?

That rude woman who just brushed past you at Walmart doesn't know how she is going to pay her rent this month.

That fellow school mom who is never friendly to you is hiding her husband's infidelity.

That coworker of yours who never steps up as a leader is struggling with secret addiction.

That friend you attend church with has committed the sin you just condemned as unforgivable.

Why do we think we have all the answers?

How is it that we define the mind of God based on our own, limited, human understanding?

I've had those days. Those bad, bad days. Where I had no choice but to face the world and my tasks in it. And I know I was not friendly to others. And I know I was not thoughtful of others.

And I thank my God for that grace that rained down on me from above on those days.

I've also had those other days.

Those judging, condemning, selfishly short-tempered days.

And I thank my God for the grace that rained down on me from above on those days.

Too.

We do not have all the answers.

We do not know all that another is facing.

And we do not hold their future. Or forgiveness. Or destiny. In our hands.

Who am I to claim that another is not forgiven?

Who am I to declare myself legislator?

We are called to love with Jesus Love.

Am I doing that?

Most days, humbly I confess, No.

God is calling me to live out my Faith. And His Love.

Pray I'll listen.