Who Do You Think You Are?

Or a better question: Who do I think I am?

This is not a post with answers.

These are questions. Musings. Ponderings.

As I massage my terribly wounded toes.

These last few days have been overflowing with reminders of: Forgiveness.

Second Chances. (And third. And fourth.)

'Faith and love work together. Faith is energized by love, and we cannot expect our prayers to be answered if we are angry at someone or have unforgiveness in our heart.' -Joyce Meyer (Mark 11:24-26)

Ouch. Don't like that one.

'Holding a grudge is letting someone live rent free in your head.' - Facebook post

Ouch. Don't like that one either.

Think God is trying to tell me something?

Or how about this one?

'Forgive, and you will be forgiven.. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.' -Luke 6

I like that one the least.

Because the measure I have used has been poor indeed. Small.

Sitting in a school assembly this past week with people across the auditorium with whom I really desire to be angry was so. very. hard.

But, as I have said before, right now God is calling me to let go.

At first I thought it was a 'letting go' of the past so I can move on with my life. A calling to benefit me. Then I've begun to realize that is only part of the calling. To let go - fully - also means to let go of my pain. Of the wrongs. Of the lies. Of the abandonment. Of the things that just are not 'right' in my eyes.

Deep down, in the now and in my forever future, that is also for my benefit.

God tells me in His love letters to me that He will right the wrongs.

Do I trust that that may not mean exactly what I want it to?

Am I ready to really...let go?

I was asked this week, as I lamented my worries over my children and their happiness and their adjustments and learning: "Who do you think you are, Nancy, to think that you determine your children's future? Your children are God's. They were never yours to begin with. He has them well taken care of. You are not the one to make things happen for them. Let God do that. You just parent the way God would have you - parent to please Him."

I'm going to take it a step further:

"Who do you think you are, Nancy, to not forgive the wrongs against you in your life? How much more has God already forgiven from you?"

Ouch.

'I am the thorn in Your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway

I am Judas’ kiss

But You love me anyway' - Sidewalk Prophets

Lord, please forgive me.

And teach me to forgive as you do.

"I am Judas' kiss" - that line gets me every time...