My Mirror

Ugh. Early morning. Stumble out of bed and into the unwelcome light of the bathroom. Sluggishly brush teeth, rinse, spit. Then gaze, half asleep, into the lethargic reflection staring back at me. What do I see... hmm... Honest?

Dark circles, messy hair, ever deepening lines showing my age.

Look deeper.

Wow. Thought it was unpretty before.

I see a tired, frustrated, angry, self-pitying, excuse-making single mother of two looking back at me. And it is not a pretty picture. In that one glimpse, I see the remnants of a week's worth of temper tantrums, ugly-thought mutterings, complaints, and self-involved pity parties. Even through the welled up eyes I see them. And my Accuser stands to my side whispering his fuel to my fire, "You've done it now. You can never get those moments back. You've failed once again. You keep this up - and you will - and you are destined for a life of solitude. Give. Up."

However...

Do you know what my Creator sees?

My Creator sees my Savior. My Creator sees His Child.

My Creator sees a dusty tear-stained face saying whispering Love without words.

My Creator says:

"You are fearfully and wonderfully made," Ps. 139:14

"I am forming you into the likeness of my Son, " Philippians 3

"You are MORE than a conqueror, " Rom. 8:37

"You are My child," Rom. 8:15

"You are forgiven, " Col. 1:13-14

"You are brand new, " 2 Cor. 5:17

"There IS such a thing as a fresh start," Lam. 3:22-23

In the midst of my tears and tantrums and troubles, He whispers His words of comfort; His answers to my questions; His reminders that He really does see me (Gen. 16:13) and He really does 'have it' (Ex. 14:14).

*Sigh*

It's good to be the favorite. ;)

Overcome

I began my morning chat, coffee in hand, but my eyes continued to drift to the front door.


It's 37 degrees out.


It's so warm here inside, wrapped up in my snuggie (yes, I have a snuggie).

But...still...the front door...

I couldn't stand it any longer. My porch was calling to me.

Out I walked, wrapped in my snuggie, coffee in hand, to simply soak up, even for a moment, some time with Him on my porch. Stepping out onto the cold concrete, I was thankful for my slippers. As I shut the door behind me, all the sounds of "my life" drifted away and I could listen to creation. I gazed up to see one lone star standing out amidst the overcast sky - the sunrise not yet on the horizon.

And in one instant - in one quick moment - all of the memories of the last two years flooded my mind. All of the chats. All of the tears. All of the painful realizations that come along with light shining into dark recesses. But also... All of the love. All of the moments when I was held. All of the guidance from His Spirit. All of the memories He and I have shared on that place came back to me in an overwhelming rush of emotion. Emotion that I was not expecting (or I would have had the tissues at the ready). Emotion I could not hold back. Emotion from my heart quite different than when I first began my mornings here. Emotion overcome by gratitude. Overcome by Love. Overcome by trust. Overcome... Overcome... Overcome...

Have I mentioned how much I love my porch?

Potpourri

I thought I was done. I am sure you are hoping that I was. But, this morning this was burning on my heart and I know beyond a doubt someone out there needs this or God would not have given it to me.

Question #1 - Husbands, are you loving your wives the way Christ loved and selflessly gave Himself for us? Are you serving her as your priceless bride that you fought the dragon for in her rescue? Or are you searching for fulfillment and validation outside of the home - even in 'good' ventures such as service work, education, hobbies or community? Your wives are looking to you for the earthly example of the Love of their Creator.

Question #2 - Wives, are you encouraging and supporting your husbands in all they do to provide for your family? Are you making sure he knows his value as the leader of your home? Or is he perhaps lacking in validation from you therefore prompting him to look elsewhere for that value? Husbands desire to be valued in the eyes of their wives more than they can express.

Now - onto my Valentine's Day Cheeriness:

1. An early bird Angel-girl too excited for the day's activities to sleep

2. Leaving the house on time

3. Listening to my Buddy prepare for buying his little sister a Valentine gift from the Book Fair

4. Watching as he gives her that gift and watching her face light up

5. A surprise in the mail from my awesome friend Vena! (She reads my mind - or better yet - listens when God shares His mind with her. She rocks!)

6. Yummy supper with the two little Loves of my Life

7. Finding out someone was planning a Valentine Surprise for me! I care not in the least that it did not work out. Simply the knowledge that a treat was being planned for me fills my heart with joy.

8. Fudge Pie

9. Butterfly kisses

10. Heart to heart chats with my Buddy at bedtime

11. BEDTIME!

Happy Candy Hearts and Chocolate Day!

Happy Valentine's Day.

The single silliest holiday on the books.

I must say, any excuse to give - or better yet, receive - chocolate makes my heart sing. And don't get me wrong, I am not bitter therefore "anti-Valentine's Day." But, it seems to me to be a holiday created by Hallmark.

But it also seemed the perfect day to wrap up my thoughts on marriage.

I wanted to draw it all together with a few final sentiments to share. I didn't desire to sound harsh earlier. And I also didn't desire to sound like love and marriage were not designed to bring joy. I simply wanted to take a moment to reflect on the purpose of marriage in the first place.

Marriage is a wonderful, God-designed, blessing. And the earthly love of our lives can bring joy and abounding happiness to our lives. I am grateful to God that He leads us to walk this road of life with others. That was the original design. We were created for relationship. I am presently blessed beyond words to have someone in my life who inspires and encourages me daily. This person, truth be stated, is the reason I am blogging. Never did I imagine myself a "blogger" or a writer. But, his encouragement inspired and motivated me to step out of my comfort zone and share my journey with others. This man believed in me when I didn't believe in myself anymore and for that I will eternally be grateful to God for bringing him into my life.

No one person is on this earth to complete another person. We are all searching. We are all longing for love and acceptance and genuine peace that comes when another delights in us and marvels in who we are at our core. What we are searching for is the heart of our Creator. And when we draw closer there, our relationships - with our spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, family, friends - are all blessed. Because we are drawing from the unending well of God's Love for us, we are able to pour out that love on others.

For those of you celebrating today with earthly love - God's blessings on your relationships. For those of you not, remember - the true Love of your life delights in you EVERY day. Today is no different for the Great Love.

On a Lighter Note...

Ever just stop and think for a moment, "We take this life too seriously" ?

I don't mean that we should just fly flippantly through our time here with no purpose; meandering down the road of life with no direction, discipline or divine connection. However, do we maybe get a little too bogged down with our day-to-day goings on to stop and see how amazing - and funny - God can be?

I mean, c'mon. It takes a God with a sense of humor to choose a one hundred year old man to be the father of Israel.

It takes a God with a sense of humor to tell that same man to name his son "Isaac" (meaning 'laughter').

It takes a God with a sense of humor to command Israel to march around the city of Jericho seven times and then stop and blow trumpets.

It takes a God with a sense of humor to motivate us to yank the 2x4 out of our own eyes before we reach out our dirty fingers to help our friend with the speck of dust in theirs. (I can just hear the giggle in Christ's voice as He said that).

It takes a God with a sense of humor to feed thousands of people with a few sardines and rolls. (I still wonder what they did with all those leftovers).

I can just imagine Him totally cracking up at Himself with the creation of the baboon and the platypus.

I am not meaning "sense of humor" as in 'tell-a-joke funny.' I just think that sometimes we get a little too serious. Of course, God can step back and see the big picture. He did, after all, CREATE the big picture. And scripture and life are both laced with these little reminders here and there that God DOES have it...it is ok to laugh and relax once in a while.

Presently, I am working two jobs and trying to sell a house that is in its second round of foreclosure (and by the way, the second time around is not nearly as stressful as the first). There are many days, actually most days, where I am so over burdened and I struggle with the feeling that my children are getting my leftovers. And I struggle and worry and cry and feel the stinging arrow of guilt.

It's often in those moments, when I go to God with my heart so weighted down trying to express to my Creator and Great Love what He already knows, I will get tongue-tied. And it's just plain-out funny.

Recently, in my attempt to say to Him, "I'm confident of..." my words came out, "incontinent."

Now, tell me He didn't find that funny!

Marriage - Read with Caution (and there WILL be a part two)

I say "Read With Caution" because I am probably really about to step on some toes here with this one. I am probably also going to say some things that you may think are completely out of left field and may get me labeled in some circles.

Oh well...

I have some thoughts on marriage that I really want to say. Make that - some things I feel called to say. Because just as I am passionate about YOU and your knowing how relentlessly God pursues you and loves you, I am also passionate about marriage. "Why?" you ask? That's a fair question since I am staring down the backroad of my own failed one. I am passionate about it because, as many of you know all too well, Satan is passionate about killing marriage. One by one. Like soldiers on a battlefield, we are picked off. One by one. We barely have time to wrap our minds around the comrade across the field who has fallen when we look over to see that the one right next to us is down. And it makes us fearful. And questioning. And we wonder, "Who's next?" And before we know it, it's us.

So, indulge me a moment and let me share my thoughts with you husbands and wives out there. Do you know what, in my opinion, is the number one killer of marriage? I have not done the research, but my honest and humble opinion is this: Selfishness. It is not finances. It is not adultery. It is not time. It is pure and simple selfishness.

That, and a failed ideal of what marriage is all about to begin with. Do you realize that marriage is the only - let me reiterate ONLY - relationship compared with the relationship of Christ and His followers? Do you get that? Because I certainly did not. In any way. I did not grasp, realize, respect, nor honor that connection. And we as disciples read those words in THE Word, and you know what we do? We sit and look at our spouses and think to ourselves, "If only he/she would act right, then I could act the way God calls me to."

Selfishness.

I was looking online for a book when I stumbled across another book. I have not read it, so do not take this as an endorsement, but the title intrigued me and I have not been able to get it off my mind for quite a while.

"What If Marriage Was Designed to Make Us Holy, Not Happy?"

I do not even remember the name of the author. But the title was enough to challenge me. (And yes, I do intend to read it one day). What if we really do not 'get it'?

Marriage was not designed to be one giant love story like we see in the movies. We have such a distorted, demented view of male/female relationships because we are looking to romance novels and movies instead of to the CREATOR of the relationship Himself. No offense to Nicholas Sparks and his colleagues in the romance department, but I do not believe marriage, or relationships, were designed to make us happy and fulfill us. No person on this planet can do that. And we are putting entirely too much pressure on another person to do what God and God alone can do in our hearts.

I believe that marriage was created to draw us nearer to God Himself. To know Him in a deeper way by living, on earth, in a relationship that should challenge us to know Him in a more intimate, real, selfless-love kind of way.

So, my words to the married are this: (and I apologize in advance)

Get. Over. Yourselves.

Quit pointing fingers and blaming and feeling sorry for yourselves and get on your knees and ask God to use you to bless your spouse. Read "Love and Respect" and "The Love Dare." These two books completely changed and challenged my perspective of marriage.

Although it was too late for me, DON'T let it be too late for you.