I Pledge Allegiance: Part 1

It's a wonder I have feet at all after the last two years.

When my world began to crumble beneath me two years ago, the Great Love of my life did not allow me to curl up in a ball of defeat or to lay blame elsewhere. He forced me to look deep inside my own soul and see the ugliness of selfishness that had taken root. That, my friends, is not fun.

Since then, He has been on a roll with stepping all over my toes: Placing me in the paths of the faithful who speak truth in love regardless of how difficult that truth may be to hear; Causing me to stumble across books filled with Biblical teaching that challenge my long-held traditions of religion; Stirring within me a deepening hunger for His word that has stretched me beyond my earthly limits.

And lately, the Call that I heard late that summer has been growing louder and louder within my ears and my heart.

You see, I cannot live "Comfort-Zone Religion" any more. Even just this morning, the Spirit opened my eyes to just how much I enjoyed being comfortable. Being in paid-ministry for so long, I grew comfortable with doing my part and self-sacrificially making known that I was in ministry. Yet, also enjoying the comforts of this Western life. One foot in this world, one foot in the one to come. And even now, though my years of paid-ministry are far behind me, I still feel the comfort of my occasional acts of service combined with my token gift in the collection plate, all while I live my life of ease. I look at others around me and my pride takes over as I make a mental list of the sacrifices I make (putting up with my broken van door handle by having to roll down the window in order to open my driver's side door from the outside, for instance). "Look at them with their brand new 'this-and-that', " I say to myself in my martyrdom.

And I immediately hear my own rooster crowing in the background of my life as I am humbled by my arrogance.

Honest? I am weary. I am exhausted of church traditions that make us "feel better." I am tired of church politics and committees and fellowship gatherings. Before you ask, no nothing has happened...

But...you could take that one of two ways...

Nothing has happened? That, then begs the question, why not? WHY has nothing happened?

I don't know what this means for my life. I struggle and have entirely too many questions for God so I sit, arms folded, expecting an answer before I will give in to a step of faith. (*insert sarcasm here*). I am simply sharing this journey out of a call to transparency.

All I know is this: God is calling me out of my Comfortable Life and into a deeper place with Him. A wise man once told me, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." I can no longer simply say what I am learning. I must live it.

Do I know what that means? At the moment: no. But join me in prayer for my family; and for so many of us who I know are being called love out our faith.

Out. Loud.