Piles of Ashes...

Bear with me. My blog is not about answers. I am not one to finger-point because I know completely the largest finger should be pointing right back at me.

I want to share. I want to be real in my faith. I want you to know my challenges so that you can see the fingerprints of God on my life as He irons out wrinkles and makes sense of chaos.

But, I'm still a little lost.

It's hard to struggle and not be able to share why. It's difficult to be transparent in your faith when circumstances must be held in confidence.

So, I will relate what I can and pray that somewhere out there, someone is encouraged and God is glorified.

I've been challenged. I've come face to face with the notion that what I thought was real was actually a cleverly disguised facade. I've come to question myself, my life, my past, my friends and my future.

But, last week, God led me to make a list. He spoke His comforting words to "do something about those things which you can, and leave the rest to Me," and my shoulders literally fell as the weight upon them became lighter.

So, here's part of my list:

1. My children and I are fine.

2. We learned valuable lessons in safety without something tragic having to happen.

3. I've learned what it means to be vigilant. And being more vigilant about this life, has opened my eyes to what it means to be vigilant about the life to come.

4. God answers prayers. When you give something entirely to Him, He will answer. It may not be the solution you desire, but sometimes even in the point of sheer exhaustion you cannot handle something, give it to Him and He WILL take it and you MUST trust it is what He desires for you.

5. God can take the strangest of circumstances to draw His children closer to each other.

6. Without trials, we can never truly appreciate the goodness He offers us. Without fear, we cannot appreciate His protection. Without want, we can never appreciation His provision.

7. When you think you are the most alone in your life, when everyone else has walked out, you are never LESS alone in your life.

It is vitally important not to focus on the negative in our circumstances, for God's hand is in everything all around us. Mine is not to question why to but to ask "What am I to learn through this?" And mine is to find the good, the positive, the celebrations, in the most unusual and strange (and sometimes fearful) circumstances.

You know, it's ok if people don't understand. The world is full of people who will tell you that they do, but ultimately they truly do not "get it." That's ok. That's another one of those moments when it hits you just how much your life is not about you.

At the end of my days, especially lately, I simply have to ask myself how much it really matters if people understand? What matters is, did I point to my One True Love? Did I honor Him in my actions, my words, my attitude? Am I compassionate to those who I think deserve it, and those who I may think don't?

Ultimately, do I trust God with my life and my heart (and my family) enough to lie my head down at night KNOWING "He's got it" ?