I Am in Love

Butterflies.

The goofy grin that spreads across your face at the mention of their name.

The tingle in your heart at the thought of them.

Being in love is a wonderfully crazy sensation.

You all know what I'm talking about. Whether it's new love or a deeper, truer love, it produces sensations and thoughts and sighs from our souls. We love love. We look for it, long for it, work for it, pray for it.

Love is deep within us. And we long to share it with someone.

And when we find that special someone, it is simply burdensome to participate in any conversation without bringing them to the forefront. We want the world to know. We utter phrases such as, "I'll shout it from the rooftops!" We are enraptured and want the world around us to join in our joy.

I am in love.

And I find myself often unable to keep his name out of conversations. I can't hold back sharing what we've been through together. The way he pursued me. The way he stood beside me not pushing himself on me but waiting for me to realize he was there and lean on him. The way he went from best friend to passionate pursuer of my heart. The ways he has stood by me, encouraged me, strengthened me and believed in me.

Sometimes I allow that ounce of trepidation to speak louder than my adoration, and I concern myself that my friends are weary of hearing about him. They're going to roll their eyes and say, even if only in their heads, "Here she goes again."

But tonight, talking with a friend, as I began to go on (and on and on - again) about him, she said a remarkable thing to me. "I wish we lived closer. I need to hang out with you more."

She wants what I have.

She didn't hear the dronings on of a love-sick friend. She heard and saw in me that the love I spout about is the real deal. And something about that sparked her interest.

This past week, he opened my eyes to something that had not before occurred to me. It sent chills down my spine and, amazingly enough, made me fall even more deeply in love with him.

~

There is a night from April 2009 that I will never forget. I had many horrendous nights in the months and year to follow, but this was by far the worst. Sparing details, I will simply say that hearing the words "I don't know how I feel about you. I don't know if I am going to leave you. I can't go on like this," shook the foundation of everything I had come to know. It was the longest night of my life. Lying in bed, tear-soaked pillow, heart pounding so hard I thought it would literally burst within my chest during the night. No sleep to be had. Fear. Questions. Heartache.

I've known for a while now that God knew I was going to face this. There are no surprises to him and he had been preparing me for the journey of my life leading up to this night. He had granted me the grace I needed ahead of time. And he guided me through that valley of the shadow of death.

What I hadn't thought of until this week, was that he was right beside me that night. That very night. He caught every tear. He felt every pain. He cried with me. He held me. He didn't just catch me and pick me back up. He was right beside me. While I was shivering on the floor of the bedroom - right beside me. While I was sobbing into my pillow - right beside me. Every moment. Every second. Every emotion.

This may not sound profound to you. And as I try to write it, there are no words to convey the revelation this week that he was, indeed, not just helping me through it. But he experienced it right along with me. He knew where that night, the beginning of a life-changing journey, was going to lead. And he had already prepared the way. But he wasn't waiting for me on the other side. He walked alongside. Every step. Every stumble.

~

I know you know who I am talking about. And I pray your, and anyone else's, eyes do not glaze over as I continue to walk around with my goofy grin and inability to leave him out of conversations.

But, it is the real deal.

I am desperately, passionately, head over heels, sold out, in Love.

Because He loved me first.