Daydreams

Whether by nature or by nurture, I am quirky.

I am a daydreamer. While no believer in astrology, I have to admit the connection between my own personality and the typical Pisces. I regularly have one foot on the ground and the other somewhere in the nebula, as if all along my spirit has known that it is not of this world. My present place in life is not an easy one for a daydreamer such as myself. My desire is to be playing, acting, singing and dancing. Not being the one to pay the bills, teach responsibility, discipline and keep schedules. So, I am greatly challenged.

I find myself often, as I go about my day, gazing up at the clouds to see the sunlight peeking through and watch the slow movement across the sky. I am captivated at night by the moonlit sky as I walk the dog for her one last jaunt before bed. I stare out into the woods, completely in awe at the countless shades of green.

I daydream.

I long for something.

You know that feeling. Deeply longing for something you do not, or cannot, have.

It can be saddening. It can be depressing. It can even be crippling.

For me it has been, for several years, a yearning to be yearned for. Does that make sense? I want to be known. I want to be desired. I want to be pursued and loved - fully, completely, relentlessly. I want someone to be so captivated by me that they cannot stand another minute without me. Do not confuse this with a desire for codependency. Been there, done that. Bought and outgrew the t-shirt. I'm talking about the real thing. So real that there are no words to fully convey the connection I desire.

It's a connection I've never before known; to be so loved by another that my happiness is their highest priority. And I've spent years in that state of longing. That state of desire. That state of daydream.

Whatever your 'star sign' may be; whatever your quirks, whatever your daydreams contain - this desire to be known and pursued and loved is a desire held by all women. It is inherent to our very core, designed by God Himself.

Why?

Because He is the One truly longed for. And He is the One who has pursued me. And though I do not have Him face to face, with tangible hands to hold or eyes to gaze upon, my longing is now different. My daydreams are different. They now consist not of longing for the things which I have never known, but of gazing into the distance feeling that spiritual connection with the One who truly knows me. And has pursued me. And has made me fall in love with Him in a deeper way than I ever imagined. It is a daily adventure, as responsibilities and work and activities and expectations creep in to the forefront.

But, at the end of the day, as night has fallen and busy, loud activity is replaced by the sighs of slumber all around me, the longing to be held is found again in the arms that caught me as I fell some time ago.

Sure, it would be nice to feel them physically around me.

But...that time will come.