Green is Not My Color

How often are you asked, "What's your favorite color?"

The truth is, I have never really had a favorite color. I'm odd that way. I've always said, "blue" because that's easy. But, honestly I like just about all colors. I like to wear all colors and I have a hard time seeing many colors as not beautiful in their own distinct way.

But lately, I've been annoyed by green.

I'm not really a 'grass is greener on the other side' kind of person. But the last several weeks, I've found myself overtaken by jealousy.

I can find all manner of things to get jealous over. It's not that I want your life necessarily. But I can easily find one particular thing in your life that I really do want. And I am angry that you have it and I do not. And it distracts me. And it steals my joy.

Earlier this week, as I refocused my brain and opened back up to hearing the Voice I have missed for a while, I began to let go of some of the earthly holds over me. I made a mental list of all of the things around me that I have wasted energy envying; some of these I can list, others I should not.

Sometimes I envy Materialistic items. Others have a nicer car, better items in their houses, spending money and cooler 'stuff.'

Sometimes I envy less Tangible things. Time. Energy. Compliant children.

**pause for laughter**

Sometimes I envy Relationships. Companionship. Lifestyles.

But envy is a poison. It roots itself in discontent. And in comparisons. And sometimes those comparisons are like apples to oranges. For me to envy a married friend who is a stay-at-home-mom who homeschools is a ridiculous comparison simply because our lifestyles are so very different. But, yet, I do. Her and so many others.

Wasn't it Paul who said, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Phil. 4:11-13

I think if a man who was beaten and shipwrecked, stoned and imprisoned, can say these things, then I certainly can learn this idea of 'contentment' too.

The truth is that we all have a calling. And a purpose: a reason. And I am right where God has placed me. And to sit and lament over all that I do not have robs me of the joy found in what I do.

It is true that the 'lean times' make us appreciate more the times when we have plenty. But, I venture to say that we can go even a little deeper than that. The 'lean years' - whether we are talking of materialistic or less tangible issues - have the potential to draw us to a deeper relationship with the Great Love than we even knew was possible; than we even knew existed.

Had I never experienced the world crumbling beneath my feet, I would never have learned the dependence on Him that I have. And had I never learned that dependence, I would never have fallen so deeply in love. And that Love, dear ones, is what chases away the loneliness and sadness and pain that life has thrown my way.

So, the truth is, there is nothing on this earth that I could ever possibly long for, or envy in another, that could remotely pretend to approach what God's generous hand has showered upon me.

And has waiting for me on the other side...

"Earth has nothing I desire besides you." Ps. 73:25