I am great at illusions.
Yesterday I told you how talented I am at the illusion of beauty.
Watch closely and I will share more secrets with you.
For instance: my house.
I am a master of the Illusion of Clean.
Be careful with opening a door, or cabinet, or looking under a couch or a bed.
Precious few have dared to muster up that courage...and lived.
OK, so I'm a bit dramatic. But, the pitiful reality is that I am a 'stasher'.
Under beds, behind closed doors, under tablecloths is my 'stuff'. Stuff I've not yet made the time to address, or put away, or file, or toss. I get too busy, I tell myself, and someone is coming over and heaven forbid they know I am messy! Confession: I am embarrassed at this. It truly is a sore spot for me. I would be mortified for someone to go through my house and see all the areas of disarray hidden away in recesses. So - stash. Away. Don't I look like "Suzie Homemaker"?
You know what I'm talkin' about.
Illusions:
Of clean
Of neat
Of order
Of organization
Boy, oh boy, what an act. What a big. fat. fake. I am.
But, my master skills as an illusionist are not utilized solely on my earthly dwelling.
I am great at appearing to 'have it all together' wherever I am:
Work
Church - especially at church
Running errands around town
Chatting with friends
Appearing neat, orderly, composed and 'together' is an art I've spent my entire life mastering. And what's even better, I'm passing that on to my children. Aren't you proud?
Yes, please read into this my sarcasm.
Truth is we don't want others to think ill of us. We don't want others to think we are 'less than' anything. Less than organized. Less than composed. Less than perfect.
Truth: We are none of those things
Just as in my house, be very afraid of opening a closet door, I have stashed things away in other areas. I stash away my bad attitude. I stash away my temper. I hide my children's bickerings, I stifle my individuality. I chastise my children for misbehaving because the harsh reality is that I am embarrassed at their behavior more than I am trying to mold and shape them for their future. I holler within the walls of my own house and then smile graciously as I greet brothers and sisters at church. I am patient with others' shortcomings and my words and actions are filled with grace just to turn around and subject my own family to my truly short fuse.
Am I saying not to hide these negative aspects within ourselves but to just go ahead and lose your temper, throwing things and saying choice words, all out in public because it's better to be 'genuine'? No. Stay with me here. This is a several day journey.
Just think about it.
What am I hiding? What am I keeping hidden simply for the purpose of others thinking I am 'all together'?
Am I spending money I don't have so that my house, my clothes, my car, my children, all meet some set of standards that I have bought?
Am I killing myself and placing unrealistic expectations on my family so that others will not think that we argue, disagree, or have frustrating days sometimes?
Am I using valuable energy hiding my messes so that others won't know that I am too tired, too grumpy, too busy or too lazy to do what needs to be done?
The honest facts are that I am a messy, disorganized, often lazy, imperfect woman a little too attached to her stuff and her image.
This 'going deeper' - this 'peeling away of the onion' isn't quite so bad yet...
But, transparency is a journey. It is a process...
My prayer is that my own confession and revealing time will challenge you.
And we've quite possibly, only just begun...
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