Living in a Glass House

I apologize for the delay.

I have no excuses. (I'll be blogging about that later).

Time and life and stress and work got in my way - I allowed them to get in my way - when in reality I desired greatly to wrap up my little journey in word form. My journey is far from complete. My trek into the world of complete transparency is far from over. Every day. Every experience. Every challenge. Every stumble. Every obstacle. All lead me closer and closer to one ever present, never failing, constant in life.

None of this is about me.

All of the masks. All of the illusions. All of the effort I put into trying to portray myself some particular way do nothing but perpetuate the idolatry of self and take everyone's focus off of the only ONE who matters.

Here is the truth.

The honest, in-my-own-face, eye-stinging, heart-pricking, knee-dropping truth.

I am nothing.

I have no talent.

I have no ability.

I have nothing to offer.

I bring nothing to the table.

I have no beauty, no skills, no words, no wisdom, no offering.

(Before you fuss at me, read on. I promise I will continue to do my reason.)

I am nothing.

When I can stop and truly realize why I am here. Just exactly what has been done for me. Then and only then can focus become real. Then and only then can I become real.

Because it matters not how I try to portray myself: as perfect, beautiful, wise, victim, victor, humble, servant, patient, etc. There is One who sees. And knows.

He knows what lies behind every closed door. Under every bed. Underneath the makeup.

And I am once again brought to my knees.

In heartfelt appreciation, devotion, gratitude and humility.

I have nothing to offer Him. There is nothing He cannot do without me. He does not need me.

He simply loves me.

He adores me.

He pursues me.

For no earthly reason.

Simply because it is Who. He. Is.

And now - the glass is clearer than clear.

I am me: broken, flawed, marred, filthy, desperate.

And redeemed.

And renewed.

NOT because of ANYTHING I have done - or can do - or could do.

Simply because of Who He is.

And the Gift of His Redemption.